Now that El Chapo is back in prison, Donald Trump should consider a cage fight with Ted Cruz.
That’s one less ass he has to kick. Remember back in July, when Donald Trump said he would kick escaped Mexican drug lord El Chapo’s ass and then promptly called the FBI when the little on-the-lam twit tweeted back, “Keep f—ing around, and I’ll make you eat all of your godd–n words, f—ing whitey f—-t @realDonaldTrump”?
Remember when real men used to confront each other in person instead of tweaking each other on Twitter?
Well, the drug lord was captured on Friday, so instead of having to find and then kick El Chapo’s ass, The Donald can instead use his considerable fighting skills to kick his rivals’ asses instead.
Take Ted Cruz. Maybe now they can have that cage fight Cruz said he wouldn’t engage in last month. Oily Cruz even tweeted, “@realDonaldTrump is terrific. #DealWithIt.” Can that kind of slime even be showered off with a fire hose?
Many have tried to take on and down Trump and many have failed. Thing is, what Trump’s rivals don’t get is that Trump is the Muhammad Ali and Joe Namath for modern times. Shameless, self-promoting and able to deliver the crowds — who, despite the braggadocio, connect with him on a gut level.
Every candidate — those still standing anyway — has been suckled on the teat of slimy professional politics. In their world, you stab rivals in the back as politely as possible, without leaving any fingerprints on the knife.
But Trumpy? He don’t play like that. How do the others not know that if they take him on, he’ll happily stab them in the front, hold up the bloody knife and then brag about it?
El Chapo is hauled back to a lockup in Mexico on Saturday.
Hillary thought Trump would play like that, when she said he was “sexist.” Other candidates would have taken offense, and tried to prove how fair-minded they were and blah, blah, blah.
Instead, Trump went on a full-frontal attack, excuse the expression, even releasing an ad showing Hillary with serial exposer Anthony Weiner, the husband of her No. 2, Huma Abedin.
Trump told Savannah Guthrie on “Today” that Bill Clinton has “a terrible record of women abuse,” and, “If you look at the different situations, there were certainly … a lot of abuse of women … Certainly if they play the woman card against me that’s fair game.”
Not that Trump hasn’t had his ah, fair share of sex scandals. Remember Marla “Best sex I ever had” Maples? He was still married to Ivana at the time, but they split and Marla became Mrs. Best Sex Trump.
If Hillary continues to call Trump a sexist (I’ve known the guy for 25 years and never thought of him that way), he’ll continue to drag out stuff she’ll want kept in the closet.
The New York Times wrote that, “There should be no place for that kind of politics in this country.” Really? Trump only pointed out that Hillary’s husband has been accused of nasty acts toward women. And her No. 2 has remained married to a pervert.
What there should be no place for in this country are women who still don’t get that we don’t play like that — not anymore, anyway.
NOT-SO GOLDEN GLOBES
The Golden Brass Ones, er, Globes, kick off awards season tonight with Ricky Gervais there to insult everyone by telling the truth about the drunks, the bribes and the ridiculousness of some of the nominations.
Take best movie drama nominee “Carol” for example. This is a 1950s-era movie about two lesbians in a car (Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara), and it’s the only road-trip movie ever made without even one lousy laugh. They drive, don’t talk, don’t have sex until it’s almost too late and don’t even stop at any fun motels or kill anybody by mistake.
Then there’s “Joy,” starring Jennifer Lawrence, about HSN icon Joy Mangano, who is portrayed as a heroine of the 20th century. The woman invented a self-rinsing mop, for God’s sake. She’s not exactly Madame Curie or even the Hollywood Madam. She’s the mop madam.
Dour lesbians and a home shopping lady. Now that’s entertainment!
Al Sharpton (c.) says Donald Trump (l.) is the white Don King (r.).
AL’S GOT A SHORT MEMORY
Al Sharpton conducted a wide-ranging interview with the Daily News editorial board in which he called Donald Trump a white Don King. Talk about the pot calling the kettle white!
Truth is, Trump is the one white guy Al can’t bamboozle or threaten with a demonstration — the kind that can end with Sharpton getting a nice fat seat on whatever company’s board he’s threatening with racism at the moment.
Asked if he thinks whether Trump believes his own campaign rhetoric, Sharpton replied, “About as much as Don King believed in ‘Rumble for (sic) the Jungle’” — referring to the King-promoted Muhammad Ali-George Foreman fight.
Is that about “as much” as Sharpton himself believed Tawana Brawley was savagely raped by cops, or as much as Al believed his pal — yes, Don King — was crooked when he snitched on him to the feds?
Affluenza mom Tonya Couch must have forgotten she’s in jail and not a resort when she griped that her room was too bright.
So wait. The GOP wants to seal our borders with Mexico to, as Trump says, keep the drug dealers, rapists and killers out, but now they — or Sen. Marco Rubio, at least — want to extradite Mexico’s number one drug dealer, the rapist and killer El Chapo, to the U.S.? … Speaking of Mexico, affluenza mom Tonya Couch, arraigned on Friday in Texas for aiding her spoiled brat son’s escape to Mexico, has a big complaint. She told the sheriff that her jail cell was just too bright. This makes it very difficult for her to sleep, poor thing. His response: “It’s jail, not a resort.” Can a reality show slot for this real housewife be far behind?
Ronda Rousey flashes some skin for Sports Illustrated.
SWIMSUIT ISSUE, MINUS SWIMSUIT
A swimsuit editor at Sports Illustrated posted a photo of the body-painted butt of mixed martial arts phenom Ronda Rousey. Her back and backside were painted to resemble a one-piece bathing suit. SI has evolved from real one-piece swimsuits that real women could actually swim in to tiny bits of fabric so scrimpy they’d rip off if you got caught in a riptide, to no swimsuits at all.
The message being? Sex sells but swimsuits don’t?
Marie Holmes of Shallotte, N.C. is spending large chucks of her lottery prize for bail for her loser boyfriend.
A LOTTO TROUBLE
There’s standing by your man and then there’s having your man stand on your cash. North Carolina Powerball winner Marie Holmes has so far paid out $21 million of her $88 million haul in bail for boyfriend Lamar McDow.
McDow’s been arrested four times for everything from gang banging, breaking parole and last Saturday for drag racing at 100 mph.
McDow claims it’s all racism — not racing. “We were the only black family … and they did not like it,” he said. “If I was driving down the road and going at the speed limit they would wave at me for going too fast. They did not want us there. They were prejudiced.”
Those damned authorities are apparently prejudiced against law-abiding citizens going 100 mph.